Planning Recovery Friendly Holiday Gatherings

For as long as I can remember, “party” has been synonymous with alcohol. I went to high school in the Chippewa Valley, moved to Minnesota, and came back when I was 21. I’ll never forget my first MLM party, where I was handed a mimosa upon arrival. Even the first baby shower I attended included a signature cocktail. The drink changed, but the expectations were the same - at a party, you drink, even if the guest of honor isn’t. Bizarre, right?

And now that the holiday season has been forced upon us (this year it feels forced, like I’m not ready for this at all,) those expectations are everywhere all at once. The thing is, many people are in recovery or choosing not to drink because of mental and physical health, financial reasons, religion, or they just don’t want to feel like garbage. With more people choosing to abstain than ever before, the expectation to drink just because we’re socializing is outdated. 

Here’s how to update your holiday get-together with a recovery-friendly vibe:

Make the Intent Clear

Let people know what to expect ahead of time. You don’t need a long explanation. Something like: “We’re skipping the alcohol to focus on food, games, and connection.” This sets the tone and intention without being too aggressive about it. And sometimes, not going too hard with your message takes it out of focus and lets people just be.

Don’t Just Remove the Alcohol, Replace It

Just because there’s not any alcohol doesn’t mean your guests should settle for tap water. Stock some supplies for dirty soda or make a themed mocktail. Jazz it up with fancy ice, pretty garnish, and delicious herbs or flavored syrups. Interactive is even better - consider setting up a “make your own mocktail” station with a variety of options.

Avoid NA beer and wine unless that’s something you are sure that your guests will enjoy and are comfortable with. Many of these taste like the real thing and often have trace amounts of alcohol in them, so be careful with these when keeping it recovery-friendly.

Plan Something to Actually Do

Without alcohol as a social crutch, you need something to anchor the event. Think about who is coming and what they would like to do. Cornhole in the backyard or something more chill like a themed movie night? Board games or trivia are perfect for your competitive friends, and for the true extroverts, a sober karaoke night would be so memorable.

Curate the Vibe

Be mindful that your playlist doesn’t feel like a bar at 2am. Lyrics that promote substance use are not the way to go this time. No “Shots,” no “Gin and Juice,” no “Tipsy” (2004 and 2024 versions are both banned.) And make sure the conversation doesn’t turn into a night of nostalgia for past substance use.

Think about where you’re gathering and how you can make the place look more welcoming. Can you opt for natural light instead of fluorescent overheads or lamps for a soft glow? Is the seating comfy and conducive to conversation? Guests should feel relaxed, not like they’re going to be interrogated. 

If you’re out and about, consider cafes or other venue spaces that don’t have alcohol.

Make Food the Centerpiece

Good food makes everything better. Whether it’s a pizza night or potluck, make it something people talk about after. Better yet, an interactive experience like a DIY taco bar gets people moving and chatting.

If you don’t plan on serving a meal right away, consider having appetizers or snacks available from beginning to end. Hunger is the H in HALT, an acronym of stressors that can impact recovery, so keeping food accessible from start to finish is a great way to support your guests in recovery.

Be Aware, Be Cool

If someone looks uncomfortable or steps outside to take a breather, don’t draw attention to it. Offer space without pressure. Hosting is about reading the room, not controlling it.

That means you should avoid singling out anyone, or even praise someone publicly for being sober. Think about it this way: people might not say they’re in recovery, and you’re creating a space where they don’t have to.

A lot of people worry that a gathering without alcohol will be boring. That’s only true if the alcohol was doing all the heavy lifting in the first place.

When you host a recovery-friendly event, you get real conversations, deeper connections, guests who remember the night. It’s not just sober. It’s thoughtful, fun, and more inclusive.