I Thought I Was Normal...

This post was originally posted on our Facebook page on September 7th, 2021.

This photo was taken just a year or two before my recovery began.
I wasn’t sleeping more than a few hours a night because nightmares and flashbacks made it impossible.

When I did sleep it was only because I was drinking, on average, about two bottles of wine a night on a “normal” night.

I was binge drinking the other nights.
I was self-harming.
I was engaging in dangerous behaviors.
I was flunking out of college.
I thought about dying every. single. day.

But I was also…

Making new friends and having “fun”.
Showing up for work every day and making decent money
Maintaining a house and relationship

I thought I was normal.

I had lots of excuses…

I’m in a new city and I’m adjusting.
My work is very stressful and demanding.
Everyone has nightmares.
Relationships are supposed to be miserable - that’s love.
This is WI. Everyone drinks and I’m just good at it.
I didn’t need school anyway because I was making good $.

And because I thought I was normal I told myself things like…

“I’m not traumatized. Everyone has shit from their past that sucks.”
“I don’t need help, I’m functioning just like everyone else.”
“Other people have much more messed up stuff in their past. Mine wasn’t that bad.”
“Other people need help a lot more than I do.”
“It’s not acting out if it’s fun.”

But I did need help. Sometimes I still do.

And getting the right help changed my life.

More importantly, it saved it.

It’s ok to need help. It’s okay not to be ok. You don’t have to compare your struggles with someone else’s to “qualify” for support.

You deserve it. Period.